If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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