dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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