You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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