You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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