my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.