Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

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  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (2909) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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  (424): I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick http://tfl.nu/5e2h
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (1157)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

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  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2284) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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  (925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5
  Replies (48) Good night (1372) Bad night (5305)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

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  (916): It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable. http://tfl.nu/6byi
  Replies (7) Good night (3354) Bad night (1437)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.

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  (515): Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position. http://tfl.nu/fpbx
  Replies (3) Good night (1482) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.

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  (606): I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died. http://tfl.nu/jcdc
  Replies (7) Good night (1464) Bad night (878)
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  (075): View more from

  thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.

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  (075): thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs. http://tfl.nu/pfb6
  Replies (12) Good night (1476) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?

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  (512): Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night? http://tfl.nu/ccoz
  Replies (7) Good night (471) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.

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  (330): We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages. http://tfl.nu/bck0
  Replies (3) Good night (629) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!

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  (970): My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July! http://tfl.nu/cs3x
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.

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  (732): He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string. http://tfl.nu/q1va
  Replies (9) Good night (438) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?

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  (616): is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear? http://tfl.nu/rzm1
  Replies (3) Good night (238) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."

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  (231): When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow." http://tfl.nu/oct6
  Replies (4) Good night (264) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.

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  (814): Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in. http://tfl.nu/ywt7
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (387)

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