Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.