id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.