Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?