you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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