I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
