I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
