K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
