i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
