Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
