I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
