he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
