Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize