Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
