why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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