wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
