he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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