I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
