Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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