nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
