She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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