We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
