thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
