if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
