dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
