If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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