I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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