I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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