There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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