Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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