i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
