so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
