u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
