Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
