Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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