Whod you bang
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
