Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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