No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
