You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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