u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
