we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
