just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
