You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
