I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Come on in and take your pants off
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