i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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