The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
