She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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