guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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