you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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