Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
