I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
