I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
