I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
