Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
