Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
