My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
