Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
