I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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