gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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