I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
