i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
