So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
