Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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