I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
