The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
