girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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