i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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