In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize