please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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