Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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