He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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