Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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