She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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