also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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